The past 5 months have seen BIG changes.
Moving from a long distance to an “in-the-same-city” relationship; moving from a thriving practice and consultancy to having to start again; Lots of kilometers spent relocating people, boxes and even move my parents!
We survived the initial moving well.
We love spending time with the other’s family.
We have both moved homes in the time since I have been in Cape Town – me from a friend’s guest room/ study to my own space and he from his corporate rental to a cottage.
Apparently we do the big changes and list of big stressors well. Very well. No fighting, no lamenting – simply being able to communicate through whatever was happening, Secure in the knowledge that we are on the same team. Team “US” working towards something permanent and long term.
Now we have to learn to do the life stuff. You know the day to day stuff that involves coordinating schedules, commitments, friends, my high need for activity vs his high need for rest. His work stressors vs my anxiety about what is my work life going to look like and will I be able to pay my bills? Apparently this is harder than the big stuff. I don’t understand what makes it hard to think and plan the way I do….i don’t – and it’s hard to recognise that I have to work at being kind in that space rather than judgmental and scathing. That’s about me, not him.
So, actually this is good. Part of my moving back to a city I love was to take a break. It was to be able to build “team us” and figure out what we do well and where we need to learn to grow together. It was also because we believed, and still believe that it was right for me to move.
It means that we get to see each other’s shadow sides. And have to work out our relationship hiccups without betraying the relationship and still looking out for the other in the process. My commitment has been to be kind in my honesty, seek to be gracious, to look for what will honour God, him, us and me but also to know that there is grace and to look for the best possible reason for something having happened. The best possible reason doesn’t change the consequences of what we need to address but it does change the outcome of “team us”. It means rather than walking away I have to be willing to risk again; so does he. Sometimes the risk is in speaking up, sometimes it’s about staying present and sometimes it’s about knowing that we deepening a bond that can only get deeper through pressing through the hard stuff.
Grace. Grateful for Grace. Again.