So much excitement about a wedding & so many people sending love, wishes and hopes for us! People love to celebrate love. I know this because my blog got more hits and views and links on the WEDDINGS, DETAILS and WHAT I AM REALLY EXCITED ABOUT than it did for any SOCIAL JUSTICE writing. I also know this because I am closer to 40 than I am to 30 and there have been so many different reactions to the news that I am getting married.
Reactions ranging from “he must be really special” *he is* to “ah, see, he was worth waiting for” and “Wasn’t he worth the wait?” I wouldn’t swop my Bear for anyone else.
If I am going to be annoyed and driven crazy and love and loved, I want it to be with & by him rather than anyone else
Please re-read that before you carry on reading the next line – seriously –make sure you know that I mean it and I want to love and commit to loving him forever – on the good days, the mad days, the sad days and the deeply content days.
However to ask me if “Wasn’t he worth all the waiting?” in some ways is a trap of a question. The way I understand it is this:
– I wouldn’t want anyone else
– I wouldn’t want the waiting time ever again
I shared this with a friend who waited a long time before their child was conceived – she had had the same responses from well -meaning well-wishers – “wasn’t your baby worth the wait?” She wouldn’t swop that little person for anyone else BUT the heart-ache and grief of being single or child-less is something that neither she nor I ever want again regardless of the outcome.
Walking, talking and listening to friends who are still single – whether younger, my peers or older than me – I am mindful of the amazing gift I have been given in the man who chooses to love me – and still mindful of the chaos of the world as a single person: of the assumptions made about the amazing men & women I know who love God, love people, are passionate about life and love and yet haven’t met their other. Being in a relationship is hard at times; iron sharpens iron –we know this. Being single at times was hard too.
The wait meant some odd choices of dates in perpetual hope; the wait meant that the inner part of me seeking companionship was lonely, not in solitude, in heartache and was sometimes judged when it was expressed for surely I had a life fulfilled – and I did: I get to do work I love in a country I am passionate about on a continent that pulses a beat of challenges and craziness and creativity. It was hard not having someone to share that with. Angry, fist raised, crying at God hard some days.
There are no guarantees about the wait just like there are no guarantees that life is necessarily easier in relationship. I do know this. I am grateful for a hope fulfilled in the longing for an “other” – especially for the other that I now have to do life with. I am also grateful that the wait is over and there were moments of growth and hope and amazing adventure in it yes, but that’s not the same as the value of who I have in my life now.