Leaning into recovery from burnout so that I can breathe out more – this sounds so poetic and positive and yet some days it’s hard.
It’s hard when I am determined not to let this dictate my days – and yet my energy goes from feeling fine to needing to collapse into a deep sleep in the space of 3 hours. Seriously! That is hard to feel grateful for a process in the moment.
It’s hard when despite not wanting to let this dictate my days and decisions I know practically it has to influence some real decisions like how much I work, the timing of planned babies and other such things.
It’s hard when I am used to being able to plan, control and determine what next- and actually have a plan B (yes, my world is that managed -not sure whether to insert a smiley face or a blushing face here!) for the most part.
SO leaning in means that I have to lean back and say, it’s okay to breathe out.
Leaning in means I learn to value the breathing out – in the midst of the tears or gratitude or grateful but frustrated tears.
Leaning in means as a friend graciously reminded me again: That this is a season for you to relish being, just being.
Leaning in gives permission to breathe out – leaning in gives permission to say actually I would love to but I can’t.
Leaning in gives permission to say thank you I appreciate that without feeling guilt at what I am unable to give back.
Leaning in is the healing and refining process that is deepening in my life.
Leaning in has allowed tangible, concrete and real identification of things that weren’t resolved and breathing out and letting go of the things that I no longer can resolve on my own: Some days I am tempted to breathe them back in but then the ache in my gut which starts when I do, reminds me to breathe them out.
My doctor told me that I needed to look at stretching, pilates or yoga as a part of the recovery process. All of these require breathing.
The Bible speaks of the Spirit breathing life.
I am excited most of the time at what is happening.
It’s the breath of life that is reminding me, of who I am, not what I do.
It’s the breath of life that is calling out and redefining what it means to be a peacemaker, compassionate and determined.
We are in Pentecost in the Christian Calendar. A season which focuses on the pouring out of the Holy Spirit – what an amazing time to be reminded of the Spirit, Life and leaning in and breathing out.