Forgiveness and Primal Screams
Yesterday I experienced a sense of terror like I haven’t in a very long time.
Waking up to discover a “want to be intruder” about to step into our bedroom was something that I don’t want to experience again. Ever.
People asked me if he took anything. No. Not anything physical.
Just my sense of being safe in my home- temporarily.
My sleep for the night.
My voice is strained still.
My gut reaction was to scream.
To scream from terror.
To scream that this wasn’t okay.
To scream NO!
I know that he didn’t consider that anyone would be awake – would scream.
36 hours later I am saying NO.
NO MORE.
No more of saying that this is how it is.
No more of the fear.
And the only way I know to say no is to say I forgive you.
I forgive the fact that you violated my space – whether or not you think I need to.
I forgive the fact that you intentionally tried to walk into my intimate space with bad intentions.
I forgive you and pray that you will know a conviction of heart that this is not the way to walk.
I have the luxury of neighbours who immediately responded. Who called the police who arrived less than 5 minutes after the call was made. If I look at the stats in this article I still have more luxury despite what happened than many of the people who call the same city home: http://thisisafrica.me/apartheid-geography-murder-cape-town/
I have the luxury of spikes being placed on walls the next day as a deterrent.
According to the police my scream was a deterrent and you won’t be back.
It wasn’t just a scream. It was a no.
I don’t know your story. And I don’t need to in order to forgive you.
I need to know that I am not going to let this incident define me. It’s not going to define my commitment to this city, to this country and to healing, hope and justice.
The fear you bought with you cannot stay. That fear gets too much voice already. It has too much power and too much place in the narrative of our communities.
It’s time forgiveness got a louder voice. It’s time healing and hope got a space to be seen as bigger than fear, than crime, than violence.
I say no.
theoutrageousintrovert 
Lovely post. Sorry for your experience. The No combined with the Forgiveness is so super powerful – lots to learn from this. it has to be those who have been violated who lead the way in this i feel…
strength and love
brett fish
Thanks Brett Fish. Hard to feel like it’s leading when you feeling vulnerable but therein is the strength of it i guess… the paradox of how God works?
This is so powerful Lex! You marked your territory by screaming NO! You were also screaming NO we refuse to be terrorized in our own homes! You also screamed NO you refuse to go the way of fear and the way of mass negativity about our country because of this exact problem. You are so courageous!! You are a lioness!!! Roooooaaaarrrrrrr NO and we’ll roar with you till we all stand up against terror! Till we terrorise fear! Love you Lex
Thank you Siki. Your lioness comment made me smile…we had to choose an animal to identify with during class last week and my students made me play too…i was the lioness! xx
Roooarrrr lioness rooooaaar! Your students are wise beings!
Alexa – what a testimony of saying enough of giving fear (because of the invasions around us) a space much larger than love and forgiveness. May you continue to have that space in you grow to be fruitful and beautiful for Him. Love Sharon
Thank you Sharon – thank you for praying with me on Monday morning just after…that was a powerful part of this proces xx